


Unfinished conversations

by Am8512



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 13:12:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10967958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Am8512/pseuds/Am8512
Summary: "Missing" FitzSimmons scenes from 4x22. I pick up from FitzSimmons scenes shown in 4x22 (well, Chapter 1 really picks up from 4x21) and go from there.





	1. Containment Pod continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Missing" FitzSimmons scene from 4x21. Fitz & Jemma talk about what happened in the framework.

"Oh god. Jemma-" he croaks, voice cracking, the pain in his voice clear as day. "The things I've done." He lifts his head and hides his face as best as possible, holding his forehead in his right hand while clutching Jemma's hand with his left, fearful that once he lets go she'll never let him hold it again. "...to Agnes, to Mace, to Daisy, to those inhumans ..... to you.” He raises his head to look at Jemma. Their eyes meet for a second and it feels like a lifetime. For a moment he forgets the pain he caused and gets lost in Jemma's gaze. At first he can only see her love but then her pity and her fear shine through. He turns away and stares at the ground, releases her hand feeling undeserving of her touch, rubs his legs and then rises from the bed to move to the furthest corner of the containment module. He leans on the frame of the window to support the impossible weight of his guilt and shame. He feels like his body is literally going to buckle beneath him from the weight of it all. "I shot you. I was going to kill you Jemma" he says matter of factly. After a long exhale, he brings his head down and says "You should go."

"Fitz-“ Jemma begins but her voice gives her away. She doesn’t know what to say. She can’t help but see her Fitz, the LMD of Fitz, and the Doctor all inside the same broken man in front of her. She can’t separate her love, fear, and loathing of this person who's both a stranger and an extension of herself.

“Yeah-yeah." He shakes his head in understanding. "It's okay Jem. I know. I ruined this. Us. I did horrifying things. I-I understand that this is it for us."

Jemma stands from the bed, “You did do horrifying things. Yes. But in a world where you weren't shaped by the experiences that made you who you are here. So what...you're capable of doing horrifying things, we all are, yet the person you truly became in **this** world, even with all the pain and hardship you suffered through, you became a man who **couldn't** do those things. A man I fell in love with. A man I **love**. Present tense."

Fitz turns his head over his shoulder to look at the woman who unbelievably claims to still love him. "You were listening. Course you were.” He nods and drops his head to gaze at the floor.

Jemma takes a deep audible breath, "Fitz this isn't it for us. It's not it for me."

Relief fills his whole body as ready to go tears continue to blur his vision. But the guilt and shame remain. “Don't Jemma. Please. You don't deserve this. Any of what I’ve put you through. You’re too good. And me. I'm a monster.”

Jemma replies, "Under certain circumstances, yes, you could be a monster. But you have the memory of two lives Fitz, one of a monster and one of a good man. And now, given the choice, a choice you did not have in the framework, you're choosing to be a good man. Now please Fitz. Choose to love me."

It dawned on Fitz in that moment that Jemma thought he didn't love her or that he could choose not to, which was absurd and devastating all at once. Fitz slowly turned around to completely face her and look her in the eye. He could hardly bare it but having her believe he didn't love her was even harder to bare and he needed to set the record straight. "Jemma I-I love you. I love you with all my heart. It's not a choice. It's inevitable. But me-I'm-im repulsive. How can you stand the sight of me?" Fitz begins to shake his hands violently, pointing them like a set of claws at himself. "I want to crawl out of my own skin for what I've done." He drops his hands, pauses, and with a lighter and matter of fact voice and straight face says, "I'm trying to spare you."

Jemma's eyes widen, "Spare me? Fitz, please, that's ridiculous. We've spent enough time apart. Don't do this."

Fitz puts his palms over his eyes, as if he's trying to rub away the sight of something, "I can't stop seeing it." He lowers his hands and continues, "The look on your face when I said those horrible things to you, when I put the gun to your head, when I shot Agnes. How could you love someone who did those things? How can I let you love me after that?"

Jemma shifts her weight from one leg to the other, "I’m not saying it is going to be easy Fitz. When I look at you I do see the Fitz who killed that woman and said those awful things but I also see the Fitz who is broken by it. The Fitz who was willing to give his life for mine time and time again, who jumped through a hole in the universe for me, who has been nothing but extraordinary for as long as I have known him. That's who you are.”

He meets her eyes once more and says, "Jemma- I don't know who I am." At that, Fitz can't contain himself. The culmination of unbearable guilt and confusion washes over him. He leans against the wall and slowly falls to the ground, his shaking legs finally giving out. He holds his head in his hands and begins to sob. Jemma walks over to him cautiously but purposefully. She kneels right in front of him, sitting on her knees, and embraces him in a hug. An embrace he welcomes. He cries into her neck, "I'm so sorry Jemma, I'm so sorry" all the while knowing that no apology would be enough.

After a few moments, or minutes, they both aren't sure, his shaking body subsides and Jemma says, "Come, lets get out of here."

Fitz protests, feeling he should be locked away for his crimes, “I think I should stay here a while.”

Without hesitation, having expected a response like this, Jemma retorts, “Then I'm going to stay with you."

Fitz shakes his head, "No. Don't. Jemma. That's not nec-"

Daisy pops her head in the doorway of the containment module, knowing she was intruding, "Guys- sorry- we could use you- both of you."


	2. The plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Missing" scene from 4x22. Coulson, Fitz, and Jemma discuss the plan to catch AIDA. Jemma has some doubts about Fitz's feelings and Fitz has some concerns about Jemma's safety.

Coulson approaches them, using a lighter tone than he previously used to say, "Look, I know you two still have a lot to work out. But right now I need you on the same page, okay?"

Jemma can feel Fitz's eyes on her and she tries to maintain as blank a face as she can manage without making eye contact with him. They hadn't directly discussed _anything_ since the containment module, and Coulson's direct statement just corrupted their avoidance plan, which was flawed from the get-go, she'll admit. The discomfort level between them is evident...who says they're not on the same page? Both uncomfortable? Check. But then Jemma remembers her question to Fitz, _Do you want to kill her?_ She still didn't know his answer. She knows Fitz chose her, but that didn't mean he didn't still feel love for AIDA. Jemma suddenly feels sick to her stomach and tries to shake the thought from her brain, but her disgust is clear on her face.

Coulson turns to May, "Alright May, take us back to HQ."

At that Fitz finally steps forward to interject and say his piece, hand outstretched in front of him to get Coulson's attention, "Sir-Sir, with all due respect, if we go back to base- I'm worried what Oph-AIDA-I mean AIDA" Fitz glances over his shoulder at Jemma, worried he'd made her more angry, if that was even possible after all the harm he's already caused. Fitz had spent the last 3 hours with Jemma since leaving the containment module. Their interactions revolved around maintaining the framework for YoYo and Mack or discussing ways to defeat Ophelia. He could tell she didn't want to be around him. She'd roll her eyes after most of his comments and raise her voice if the conversation entered the "do not speak of" territory. The use of the name "Ophelia" fell into that category. Fitz turns back to Coulson and continues, "I'm worried what she'll do. She's going to kill us. Everyone. And I'm worried she'll start with Jemma...because of me." Fitz takes a step forward and points to his chest with his entire hand, "Let me go in alone. Whatever your planning. Let me do it. Just me."

Coulson notices Jemma's concern and annoyance rising as Fitz makes this request. "I'm sorry Fitz, I can't let you do that. But Simmons, she'll be fine. She's not even going to be there. Not exactly."

Jemma steps forward, next to Fitz, and asks, "Sir?" while Fitz asks, "What-what d' you mean sir?" at the same time.

"Well, AIDA built LMDs of us to fool you and Daisy," Coulson says to Jemma. Fitz interjects looking shocked, "She did WHAT?" Coulson continues, "Why shouldn't we do the same?"

Jemma nods in understanding, "You want us to build a decoy...of me."

Coulson nods, "It's for your safety. And I think can help us set a trap."

"Trap?" Jemma asks.

"You'll know when I know." Turning to Fitz, Coulson says, "For now, you've got approximately 6 hours before we land to build a LMD of Agent Simmons. Do it."

"Yes sir" Fitz and Jemma say in unison.


	3. It's not a bloody sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing scene from 4x22. Jemma & Fitz discuss their qualms with the plan to trap AIDA. [I'd finished this fic a little while ago but wanted to add this scene]

Jemma trails behind Fitz as they make their way from the garage to the lab to get started on "project Jemma-bot," as Jemma aptly named it in her head.

Jemma thinks the plan is too risky. _What is the plan anyway?_ _A trap where Fitz would be just feet from his unhinged-jealous-dangerous-inhuman-ex-android-ex-girlfriend?_  Jemma has a pit in her stomach and can feel her heart beating faster and faster in her chest. She had to try to talk Fitz out of this. _There has to be another way_ , she thinks. "I don't know about this." she says. It clicks. She says somewhat enthusiastically, "We SHOULD be making a decoy of the BOTH of us."

Fitz sighs, both worried that Jemma wouldn't be on board with the plan and also guiltily relieved that she still cared if he was in danger or not. "No, Jemma, we're not discussing it. There's no time. I'm sorry but we need to focus our energy onYOUR android. It has to be a perfect match."

Jemma shakes her head, "I just don't get why you have to put yourself in harms way. It's reckless. What if she kills you?"

Fitz says in a dismissive tone, "She won't _kill_ me Jemma. She just wants to _hurt_ me."

Jemma eyes wide as if he just proved her point, "Okay so what if she hurts you? Tortures you?"

They are nearly in the brightly lit lab when Fitz abruptly turns to face Jemma when he reaches the doorway. Jemma, who was angrily trailing right on his heels almost walks into him, stopping just short of doing so. He takes a deep breath and explains in a matter-of-fact voice, eyes so lowered he's practically talking to the floor, " _She_ knows and _you_ know that the best way for her to torture me is to torture _you_." He pauses, to look up into her eyes, now pleading with her, "Or worse. So I want you as far from this a possible Jem. If you're nearby and if she figures it out...she'll find you and I can't - I can't risk- Please Jemma. Please. Once we're done with this," he nods his head behind him, toward the lab, and clarifies, "the memory transfer...you have to go. Somewhere. ANYWHERE else but base. It's too dangerous for you to be a part of this."

Jemma scrunches her face in disagreement, "No. No way. That's not up for discussion either. I won't leave the team. And I wont leave you. I'm staying." She walks passed Fitz, not giving him enough time to move out of the way and bumping lightly into his chest as she moves through the doorway, through him. His words seemed to have gone right through her too.

He turns to face the inside of the lab, to face her. He doesn't feel as though he has any right to make demands or ask for any favors so, while staring at a random tile on the ceiling, each hand now planted on either side of the doorway, he softly says, "I wish you'd reconsid-"

But she cuts him off, "I wish you'd reconsider too" she says flatly. She busies herself, gathering tools around various parts of the lab, her back to Fitz, "I wish you'd value your life and stop insisting on destroying it, making a futile sacrifice of yourself" she scoffs at the end of her sentence in a failed attempt to hide her fear and despair with anger.

Fitz squints his eyes, wrinkles his nose, and takes a step out of the doorway and into the lab, "That's not what I'm doing, Jemma. It's not a sacrifice it's-" He begins to feel angry, not with her but he feels desperate for her to understand. His voice rises, "Don't you get it? She won't kill ME, she'll kill YOU, BECAUSE of me. She knows what you mean to me Jemma...That it'd be more painful to have me live without you."

His voice cracks and tears are streaming down his face, "So it's not a bloody sacrifice and if it does comes down to that, if it IS a trade off between my life and yours, I'd happily give it." He lowers his voice as he says the last few words of his sentence, guessing correctly that they wouldn't go over well.He exhales, eyes locked with Jemma's. He realizes his chest is rising and falling quickly now, worked up and somehow out of breath. 

Jemma glares back at him, eyes shining, wet with fresh tears. "Don't you dare Fitz. I've felt that pain, losing you. I've felt it time and time again and......it is. A life without you is _impossibly_  painful. You are NOT the only one who feels that way. So don't you DARE go giving up your life for me. I don't want a life without you either. Got it?"

Jemma's voice is angry but her words, Fitz realizes, are kind and contain an unprecedented declaration of love for him. He lowers his eyes, guilt ridden, feeling so undeserving of such affection and devotion.

She moves toward him, and is silent until his eyes finally raise to meet hers. Her voice is softer now, "Fitz," his name is just an exhale on her lips. She continues, "We've had so many close calls. I can't lose you again. I can't lose you for good."

Her eyes are filled with tears and her lips are shaky. Fitz has a strong urge to comfort her, to pull her in tight, wipe her tears, and promise he won't ever leave her but he cant touch her in that way. Not now. Maybe not ever. At the VERY least not yet. The best he can manage is, "You won't. You won't lose me. I'm here."

They awkwardly stand a foot apart from one another, hands at their prospective sides. "There's no other way?" Jemma asks, her eyes now pleading with him, giving her request for an alternative plan one last shot.

His eyes are apologetic, "I'm sorry Jem but no. This is the only way. I have to do this."

She nods, "I need you to promise me. You'll be careful. And you'll come back to me, yes?"

"Yeh, always," he nods and meeting her eyes while saying so. He couldn't know for certain what was going to happen but he knew he'd certainly try...to come back to her that is...so long as she wanted him to.

"Then let's do this." Jemma exhales, gives a faint smile and returns to moving through all corners of the lab gathering the necessary supplies.


	4. "Did I hurt you?"  - The LMD Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Missing" 4x22 FitzSimmons scene. While Fitzsimmons create a new LMD, they discuss what happened between Jemma and Fitz's LMD.

They worked mainly in silence in the Zephyr's lab, pieces of their last exchange echoing in each of their heads. The reservations and promises they shared about the "stop-AIDA" plan were now replaced with professional or matter-of-fact exchanges about the work.

Jemma is now glaring at her not-yet-animated decoy laying on a metal slab in the center of the lab from the stool where she sits. She's trying to fight back memories of the last time she sat in a chair tied up with Fitz mapping her brain with that god-for-saken headgear that started this whole mess. _At least **this** time I'm not tied up_ , she thinks, but she **is** getting her brain mapped for the second time by someone with Fitz's face. _It's **her** Fitz this time, _ she reminds herself. _It is **her** Fitz, isn't it? _ she thinks. _Or is he AIDA's? Or is he the Doctor? Or is he the self loathing Fitz who doesn't want forgiveness?_ She can't keep track. 

Fitz stands hunched over the computer where he busies himself monitoring the mapping of Jemma's brain and preparing her LMD's programming. Looking at the screen, his back to Jemma, he says "Almost there Jemma. You could probably take that off right about...now." 

He turns around to help her remove the headgear forgetting momentarily about their physical and emotional distance. As he takes it off, they exchange a look and all that distance creeps back in. He quickly moves back to his seemingly distant post by the computer. 

"And now we transfer the data" he says in a somewhat upbeat tone, trying to compensate for the obvious chasm between them. 

Fitz has been itching to ask what Coulson meant about AIDA having fooled Daisy and Jemma with LMDs. He gathered that he'd been replaced but he began to imagine the things that his LMD might've done. His imagination wasn't being kind. The thought of it made him sick to his stomach but he'd been able to put it off while there was still work to be done.

Fitz pressed a few keys on the computer to begin the transfer of Jemma's thoughts and memories, and blame and anger, Fitz imagined, to her decoy. 

"Now we wait?" Jemma asks, clearly knowing the answer. Fitz can tell she's trying to be kind. Trying to fill the uncomfortable silence with something, _anything_ , like he'd tried doing.

He turns to her, places his hands in his pockets, and nods in response. To hell with their "off limits" conversation topics rule. He can't stand another minute not knowing what happened to her when he was replaced. He removes one hand from his pocket to scratch his ear, and asks, "Jemma-Coulson said AIDA replaced us with LMDs?"

Jemma knew they'd have to have this discussion. She didn't want to. It was painful to remember someone with Fitz's face hurting her and her hurting him. And she knew it would cause him more pain and self-loathing even though he played no part in sending a sociopathic LMD version of himself to hurt her. But she knew him too well. It wouldn't matter. "Yes" is all she replies, hoping he'd let it go and she'd be able to share as little as possible. She knew better. 

"There was one of me?" Fitz asks, head down but eyes now glaring in her general direction.

"Yes." _Keep responses short_ , she reminds herself.

He gives a quick nod and brings his gaze back to the floor. "And it-what-blew up the base?" Fitz says as nonchalantly as he can manage.

"No." _That was an easy one_ , Jemma thinks.

He looks up, eyes now clearly begging her to just tell him what happened. He didn't feel he had a right to ask so he couldn't put the question into words but he didn't need to. They both knew what he was asking.

Jemma exhales, "I discovered pretty quickly that a few members of our team had been replaced."

Fitz jumps in, "The LMD detection logs." He continues to look at Jemma, takes a seat in the rolling chair by the computer desk. He leans forward, rests his forearms on his legs and begins to rub his left hand with his right.

Jemma nods, "I'd thought it was everyone BUT us. We went to the workshop, to go somewhere private, to make a plan, but the lab techs had placed LMD detection devices around the base, ones you and I hadn't known about. And that's when I received a notification that one of us was an LMD.” Jemma exhales thinking of the memory. "It mapped my brain, explained that if I was in the framework we could be safe...get married, grow old together." 

With that she pauses and looks directly at Fitz, wondering if he might give anything away, a sign that that was true or untrue. _Not that anything that was true before was necessarily true now_ , she remembers. But he doesn't change his expression at the mention of marriage. Instead, he continues to rub his left hand, eyes glimmering with held-back tears. Jemma isn't sure if no response is a good sign or a bad sign. She shakes the thought away. _Clearly talking marriage at a time like this, when there's so much else unsaid, is a bit absurd_ , she tells herself. 

He stares right at her, holding onto her every word, horrified. Something with _his_ face got her alone, was accused of being an LMD, and it-what? Asked Jemma politely if it could map her brain? He knows there’s more Jemma isn’t sharing, probably for his benefit. Fitz runs through dozens of scenarios in his head, every single one violent. Fitz can't think of a single chain of events where something with _his_ face didn't hurt the person he loves. Nausea takes over, his body goes cold, but he can feel sweat dripping down his back, stomach turning into knots. _Keep it together_ , he reminds himself. Then he hears the word: _married_. Of course he wants to marry Jemma. But he's pretty sure he's lost the privilege to be near her let alone share the rest of his life with her. 

"So much for safe and together in the framework,” Jemma continues. "Clearly your LMD didn't know that in the framework you were in love with someone else, had no idea who I was, all while I was buried in a mass grave." Jemma scoffs. This felt like a well deserved punch to the stomach to Fitz and Jemma immediately regretted saying it because she truly didn't blame him for that bit. “In the end, I was able to disable it, Daisy and I found each other, and May's LMD destroyed the base to help us escape. That's it." 

He leans back in his chair and moves his arms to the armrests, gripping the edges so hard that his knuckles turn white. Looking down at the floor in front of her feet, he says, "Did I-did I hurt you?" As he finishes the question, he looks up. She can see the fear in his eyes and his bottom lip quivering.

"It was a robot Fitz. Not you” she corrects. 

"Fine, did it hurt you?" He quickly concedes, caring less about the semantics of who hurt her and more about the pain she suffered at the hands of his invention. 

Jemma reluctantly looks to her knee. Fitz follows in suit. He looks from her knee to her face a couple of times until Jemma’s unspoken message finally becomes clear. Concern washes over Fitz's entire face. 

Fitz stands and takes a step toward her. "Have you had it seen to?" 

"Yes Fitz."

Fitz clarifies, " **Today**. Since you've woken up, have you had it seen to?" Fitz felt so useless. The damage was done but if he could be part of the healing of that damage...well, he didn't really believe being part of her healing would necessarily make a difference. He just knew he had to see it for himself. Know she was okay. Know the full extent of the damage he was a part of, the damage he caused.

"No, I haven't." She said plainly.

"May I?" Fitz asks softly as he takes another step toward her. Jemma did plan to redo the bandages and check the stitches if she got a chance today so she nods in agreement. Fitz grabs the first aid kit while Jemma removes her jeans and goes to sit on the one vacant medical table not currently being occupied by her decoy. 

Fitz approaches slowly and places the kit next to where Jemma sits. Given the circumstances, he felt extremely guilty being this close to her but he didn’t trust she would take the time to tend to her wound herself with everything else going on. Fitz slowly removes the bandages currently covering her injury and Jemma doesn't flinch at his touch, which he takes to be a good sign. It doesn’t take long for Fitz to diagnose her injury: stab wound. Being this close to her, under the medical lighting of the lab, he can also see fading marks on her neck and head. He clenches his fists, closes his eyes and takes a deep audible breath. He is doing everything in his power not to knock every item off the counter. Jemma has seen him commit enough acts of violence, he didn’t want to display anymore if he had a say in it. Jemma, having noticed his anger, tilts her head so she's positioned directly in front of Fitz's face, trying to get in his line of vision. She reassures him, “You did not do this Fitz. This is not your fault.” Fitz disagrees, but doesn't think he can disagree audibly in a calm manner so he relaxes his hands, nods, and returns to work.    

He prepares an alcohol wipe to clean the area, "This might sting a bit." He dabs the area, reflexively Jemma grabs his shoulder and groans quietly. Their eyes meet for a moment. Fitz quickly returns to the task at hand and says a soft “Sorry,” while Jemma’s hand remains on his shoulder.

Jemma stares at Fitz as he works, examining his features. She breaks the silence, "It acted just like you. Every mannerism, everything about it. It was you through and through." Tears begin to form in Jemma's eyes. 

Fitz heart breaks in two, knowing how terrifying it must’ve been for Jemma to have been hurt at his hands, "I could **n** **ever** hurt you Jemma." The realization washes over him that now two versions of himself have indeed shot or stabbed her in the leg, so clearly his definition of "never" is off by a long shot. “At least this me couldn't." It was the first time Fitz allowed himself to believe that maybe different versions of himself are uniquely different. 

But Fitz had misunderstood, “No, No, Fitz. Of course I know you wouldn't hurt me, that's not what I meant.” She pauses, trying to pair the words together to describe what she did. "I stabbed it Fitz and it had your face and your voice and your pain." Jemma's whole body begins to shake as flashes of the event rush in. "I can't stop seeing it. Hearing it. Your begging me to stop, your dead body, your blood on my hands. I know it wasn't you but it was so real. It-" 

Fitz holds her face in his hands, forgetting altogether he had no right to do so, but so overwhelmed with the desire to comfort her that no amount of self-control could stop him from doing so, “It wasn't me Jemma. It wasn't me. I'm here. I’m here.” He wipes away the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs, and moves strands of hair in her face behind her ears.  She nods. And he envelopes her in a hug, "I'm so sorry Jemma, I'm so sorry. I’m here. I’m here." 

They stay like that for about 15 seconds. When they part, he squeezes her shoulders. He then returns to patching up her leg in silence, avoiding her eyes once more while she wipes away the drying tears on her cheeks. Once he's done, Jemma says, "It's going to be okay Fitz." He meets her eyes and they share a loving gaze until a beep on the computer snaps them out of it, indicating the LMD transfer is complete. 

Fitz exhales, “Okay, ready?" 

Jemma responds, “Yeah, let's do it." 


	5. "Do you want to kill her?" - A delayed response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Missing" scene from 4x22. After the AIDA take-down, Fitz and Simmons talk his feelings for AIDA and whether Jemma blames Fitz for the framework.

They walk as a group to the Zephyr to get their first proper meal in what feels like decades. Jemma and Fitz fall in line, side by side, trailing behind the rest of the team. "Fitz- can we talk?” Jemma works up the courage to ask. Fitz doesn’t look at her but nods his head. “Are you okay?” she asks.

Fitz shoots a bewildered look at her. “Am **I** -? What-What d’ you mean?” 

Jemma exhales, “I can’t pretend to understand it and I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt but you had a life in there, with her. Are you okay-now that she’s-?” She can’t bare to say all the words to fully express the fact that Fitz had loved someone else and Jemma helped kill her. 

Fitz stops in his tracks, looks down, and brings his knuckles together and holds them there, near his stomach, his thumbs playing war with one another where they meet, “Jemma-I’ve been meaning to say-I loved her in the framework, inconceivably so- but I-I did. And I can remember that love and that life with her and it was so wrapped up in twisted logic, justifications for horrific acts of violence that  _she_  condoned, that  _I_ committed.” He lowers his chin deep into his neck. "The memory of all of my evil actions and loving someone other than you is…confusing. No uhm…” He looks to her and nods his head when he says, "It’s unbearable, Jemma.” He pauses, and brings his palms together to rest them by his lips while he prepares what he is going to say next. "She stole my life with you. She inserted herself where you should've been. And from the moment I woke- there's no doubt, no comparison betw-" Fitz struggles to find the words. He places a hand on his chest and raises his eyes, “It's clear to me that you, Jemma- you're the only one- no question." He shares an intense and unwavering look with Jemma until he breaks that eye contact to look to the ground, again, feeling so ashamed having been with anyone but her. 

 He continues, "You asked me before if I wanted to kill her...and the answer is no. I don’t want to be part of killing anything else for as long as I live.” His lips quiver, causing him to get stuck on the beginning of his next word, “B-but - I have no doubt that what we just did, killing Oph - AIDA - it had to be done.” He nods his head, the multiple small shakes head nod he uses when he's sure of himself. “She killed you- or would’ve-that is." Fitz's voice breaks, the image of Jemma’s decoy’s death entering his brain. He rests his hands on rim of his belt and shakes his head to rid himself of the image.

Jemma understands what he’s doing. She’d experienced it herself. The death of a look-a-like. Jemma walks the few steps back to where Fitz had stopped in the corridor and grabs hold of his hands. “It wasn’t me Fitz. I’m still here.”

Fitz hesitates but he has this deep urge to hold her. Tactile feedback to prove she’s really there. So he accepts her hands and raises his head to meet her eyes, “Jemma - you mean to world to me. You know that right? What I said in the framework? It's not true. You are **everything**." 

The words _you mean nothing to me_  echo in Jemma's head. "I know Fitz” she says. 

Fitz exhales, terrified to ask but can't stand not knowing, "Did I ruin this? I wouldn't blame you Jem."

"No, you haven't." Jemma she squeezes his hands. She raises her shoulders and shakes her head, "It's just going to take time-“ 

Fitz doesn't look convinced. He lets go of Jemma’s hands and takes a few steps back, "It's my fault. Whether or not you blame me for the horrifying things I did in the framework...I perfected the technology. I started this whole nightmare. All the deaths, they're on me. I did this. One way or another...I did this.” He squints one eye and contorts his lips to that same side of his face, "I know you blame me Jemma. You said it yourself." His face is now a reddish color, his eyes filled with tears and pleading with her, "So please. Don't pretend otherwise." 

The similarity between Fitz's words now and the words of his decoy just weeks ago is chilling and causes Jemma to wince ever so slightly. "Fitz- we can't keep doing this. This was Radcliffe’s doing, _his_  mistake. You are not to blame for the wrongs _he_ committed with your creations. That’s the truth. But somewhere in all this, after everything that’s happened, I think I’ve lost sight of that truth. So yes. Yes, I'm sorry, I do on some level believe you are responsible. And I hate myself for thinking that because I know you never meant for any of this to happen and there was no way you could have predicted or controlled the  evil actions of others. And so I think we both just need time to parse out the pain from the blame and the true from the false."

Fitz nods in understanding. “Time. Time apart" Fitz said defeated, his hurt plain as day. Hearing it from her made it true, that he'd truly destroyed their future together. 

But Fitz was hearing what he expected to hear and not what Jemma was actually saying. Jemma clarifies, "No. No, I made the mistake of making you heal alone after your injury and when I returned from Maveth you stuck with me. This time I think we could both use some healing and _clearly_ your method worked better. So I'd like for us to work through this one like we did the last. Together." 

Tears in his eyes, Fitz says, "I'd like that Jem but-." 

Jemma raises her voice, “Stop, just stop. I don't want to be apart from you Fitz. End of story." She delivers this as definitively as she possibly can. 

Fitz stares at the woman he hurt, the woman he loves. He becomes overcome with a desire to be close to her, realizing how long its truly been and all the times he almost lost her in between. His desire shines through his eyes, a gaze she returns tenfold. Only a second later, Jemma takes a quick and deliberate step, closing the gap between them. Fitz grabs Jemma by her waist, pulling her in even closer, hands landing on her lower back, while her hands move to hold the back of Fitz's neck. Their lips finally meet. Jemma and Fitz had shared many kisses before, but this one was desperate and longing, like their first. A kiss they thought they might never share, both then, and now. When they finally part, foreheads touching, Fitz looks into Jemma’s eyes and breathes, “End of story, huh?"

Jemma smiles. She rests her palm flat against Fitz’s cheek, feeling his familiar stubble underneath her fingertips, "I thought I'd lost you." 

He's so close to her he needs to transfer his gaze from one eye to the next to see them both, “ _Come back to you_ , right? Just making good on a promise....Jemma - as long as you want me around, this is where I'll be." In this moment, both Fitz and Jemma feel overwhelmingly grateful: grateful that the person they cared most about was alive and wanted to build a future with them. 

"Fitzsimmons, you coming?" They both quickly shift their gaze in the direction of Coulson’s voice, which echoes through the long corridor. They reluctantly separate, wipe away their respective tears, and each let out an innocent chuckle. Jemma offers her hand, which Fitz accepts as they walk to the Zephyr feeling a little less broken. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fic so go easy on me! lol


End file.
